When Shame Lives in the Body: The Hidden Cost of Negative Self-Talk
“You’re so stupid.”
“Of course you messed it up again.”
“No one else struggles like this.”
Maybe these aren’t your words. But they’re the ones you’ve lived with.
The internal radio station that hums quietly in the background — or sometimes shouts — filled with shame, judgment, and self-criticism.
You didn’t choose this voice. It was shaped by experiences that taught you to self-monitor, self-correct, and self-protect. It may have helped you fit in. Avoid punishment. Stay safe. Be loved.
But what happens when that voice never turns off?
What is Allostatic Load?
Our bodies are built to handle stress — especially short bursts.
A deadline. A disagreement. A moment of fear.
The nervous system kicks in, the body responds, and ideally… it comes back to baseline.
But what happens when stress becomes the norm? When there’s no chance to rest, or reset? This is where allostatic load comes in. It’s a term used to describe the “wear and tear” on the body from chronic stress — not just from what happens to you, but also from what happens within you.
Allostatic load builds over time. It can come from big things like trauma or adversity. But it can also come from living with constant internal stressors — like negative self-talk, shame, or the feeling of never being good enough.
When your nervous system stays on high alert, your body pays the price. This kind of load can contribute to things like:
gut issues
inflammation and flare-ups of chronic illness
fatigue and brain fog
lowered immunity
difficulty regulating appetite or sleep
And here’s the hard truth: Most people don’t even realize they’re carrying this kind of burden. Because it doesn’t always come from outside stress — it can come from the voice inside. Allostatic load isn’t just a scientific term — it’s a felt experience. It can sound like a loop of self-criticism. It can feel like a tight chest, shallow breath, or a nervous stomach that clenches before meals. It can live in your jaw, your digestion, your shoulders, your appetite.
Over time, the body starts to hold these patterns — bracing against shame, tightening against judgment, tuning out hunger or fullness because it feels too unsafe to listen.
This is the part of healing that often gets missed in traditional nutrition approaches: the body isn’t malfunctioning — it’s adapting to a life of chronic internal stress.
Just for a moment, notice your breath.
Notice if your body feels like it's holding something — a tightness, a heaviness, a readiness to flee.
You don’t need to fix it. Just notice it. That noticing is a kind of care.
Shame as a Chronic Stressor
We often think of shame as an emotion — something we feel when we’ve done something wrong. But shame is more than a feeling. It’s a state of the nervous system — one that contracts the body, shuts down expression, and leaves us with the urge to disappear.
Shame doesn’t just pass through us like anger or sadness.
It sticks.
It hides in the body, in the breath, in the voice we use when we talk to ourselves.
And here’s the thing: Most of us didn’t just “pick up” shame on our own. We were taught it — slowly, subtly, or sometimes all at once. We learned that being “too much” or “not enough” had consequences: disapproval, exclusion, punishment, or emotional withdrawal.
So we adapted. We learned to criticize ourselves first, to avoid someone else doing it for us. We stayed quiet. We stayed small. We stayed in control.
And while those strategies may have kept us safe once… they often keep the nervous system locked in a loop of survival.
In the body, shame might feel like:
A dropped-out sensation in the chest or belly
Shallow breathing
A collapsed posture
Tension in the throat or jaw
A flatness in energy, like you’re here but not fully here
When this becomes the norm — when your internal world becomes a place of constant self-surveillance or judgment — the body interprets that as threat.
And just like external stressors, internalized shame fuels allostatic load. Over time, it contributes to inflammation, hormonal disruption, appetite dysregulation, and exhaustion.
But here’s the truth your shame voice won’t tell you:
You weren’t born ashamed.
You learned to carry it — and you can learn to put it down.
How Negative Self-Talk Keeps the System Stuck
It’s easy to dismiss negative self-talk as just “being hard on yourself.” But when it becomes constant — a never-ending loop of shame, blame, or fear — it turns into something much deeper: a chronic internal stressor that keeps your body braced for survival.
Every time the inner critic speaks, your nervous system listens. The tone, the urgency, the words themselves — they signal threat. And even if there’s no danger in the room, your body responds as if there is.
Fight. Flight. Freeze.
Tension in your muscles. Shallow breath. A wave of nausea before a meal.
You might not even notice it’s happening — it can feel like just being “on edge” or “off.”
But inside, the body is working overtime. Your stress hormones rise. Your digestion slows. Inflammation climbs. And because it’s coming from inside, there’s no clear “end point.” The shame-loop never fully resolves — which means the body never fully rests.
This is the hidden cost of self-criticism. It doesn’t just make you feel bad emotionally — it wires your body for survival instead of safety. And over time, that shows up as symptoms that are too often dismissed:
Gut issues
Appetite swings
Autoimmune flares
Chronic pain
Burnout or numbness
This is where the mind-body connection becomes crystal clear. The voice inside your head is part of your body’s ecosystem — and it shapes the way your body functions, protects, and holds on.
The good news is: the body can learn something new. It’s possible to interrupt the loop. To offer the nervous system small, consistent moments of safety. To soften the voice inside, so the body can start to soften too.
A Somatic Pause
Before we go on, take a moment.
Let your shoulders drop — even just a little.
Notice the sensation of where your body meets the chair, the floor, the earth. Notice the weight that’s being held for you.
You don’t need to change anything. Just be here.
If the voice inside has been harsh lately, try offering one small phrase in return.
Maybe something like:
“I’m doing the best I can.”
or
“This is hard — and I’m still here.”
Let it land gently in your body, like sunlight through a window. And when you’re ready, we’ll keep going.
The Body Remembers — and It Can Also Repair
Your body is not your enemy. It’s the keeper of your story. It has been listening, adapting, and protecting you — even when it didn’t feel that way.
If your breath is shallow, your gut reactive, your appetite unpredictable, your body isn’t broken. It’s communicating. It’s carrying. It’s remembering.
For many of us, the body became a battleground — a place to control, manage, or escape. But what if the body could become a home again?
In somatic nutrition therapy, we begin gently.
We don’t force the body to be different.
We listen to what it’s saying — with compassion, curiosity, and care.
This might mean:
Noticing how your breath shifts when you feel shame
Placing a hand on your chest or belly before a meal
Offering your nervous system cues of safety (through rhythm, grounding, or soothing touch)
Learning to respond to symptoms with tenderness, not blame
These practices may seem small — but they’re powerful. Because each one is a step away from survival, and a step toward safety. Each one teaches the body: “You don’t have to fight or flee or freeze right now. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to be here.”
And over time, this changes things. The voice of shame grows quieter. The body begins to soften. And healing — slow, real, sustainable healing — becomes possible.
Closing: You Were Never Meant to Carry This Alone
If you’ve been living with a voice that constantly criticizes, corrects, or shames you - please know: that voice was never your fault. It was shaped by the world around you. By systems, relationships, and experiences that made you believe you had to earn your worth or control your body to be safe.
But your body remembers more than pain. It also remembers how to heal. How to soften. How to belong.
You don’t have to silence the shame voice all at once. You don’t have to be perfectly regulated, or endlessly compassionate.
You just get to begin — one small moment at a time. One breath. One pause. One act of care that tells your body: “You’re allowed to feel safe here.”
Because you were never meant to carry all this alone.
And you don’t have to anymore.
Ready to relearn how to soften & return to safety?
This is exactly the work we do in nutrition therapy: rewiring your nervous system so you can feel safe, empowered, and peaceful around food—rather than overwhelmed, guilty, and anxious.