Why You Can’t Stop Binge Eating (And Why You’re Not Broken)
Have you ever found yourself Googling in the dark of night — heart racing, stomach full, tears stinging your eyes — typing something like:
“Why can’t I stop binge eating?”
“How do I fix this?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
If that’s you, I want to begin by saying this:
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken.
I know that might be hard to believe right now.
But the truth is — binge eating is not a character flaw, or a failure of willpower.
It’s not something to punish, fix, or control.
It is often a sign that your body is trying — with all its wisdom — to protect you.
In this post, I’ll answer some of the most common questions people ask about binge eating, gently and compassionately — with insights from neuroscience, nutrition, and trauma-informed care.
My hope is that by the end, you’ll not only better understand what’s happening in your body — but feel a little less alone. And a little more hopeful.
Because healing is possible. And it doesn’t have to come through punishment. It can come through softness.
Jump to a question:
– Why can’t I stop binge eating?
– How do I fix binge eating?
– Why do I binge eat at night?
– What is binge eating doing to my body?
– How do I control my binge eating?
Why can’t I stop binge eating?
It’s one of the most painful questions to ask — and often one of the most shame-soaked.
If you've found yourself binge eating again and again — even when you don’t want to, even when you promise yourself you’ll “do better” — please know this:
You are not weak. You are not undisciplined. You are not broken.
What you are… is likely overwhelmed. Underfed. Unheard.
Binge eating is rarely about food alone. It’s about safety.
And safety is something your nervous system is always scanning for.
The neuroscience of binge eating: survival, not sabotage
When the nervous system is under threat — whether from restriction, trauma, exhaustion, or emotional pain — it shifts into survival mode.
This can look like:
Intense food cravings
Loss of access to fullness cues
A sense of urgency or panic around food
A “numbing out” or dissociative eating experience
These aren’t flaws — they’re protective. The body is saying:
“We need energy. We need comfort. We need something now.”
And when food has been:
Withheld (through dieting or restriction)
Feared
Controlled
Or even just… hard to access regularly
…it makes perfect sense that the body responds by swinging to the other side. Binge eating is often the nervous system’s attempt to restore equilibrium.
The role of restriction (even subtle)
Many people don’t realise they’re restricting. It can show up as:
Skipping meals
Eating “clean” but never quite enough
Saving up calories for later
Only allowing food after (or followed by) movement
Trying to eat perfectly and feeling guilt when they don’t
This sets the body up for a biological and psychological rebound.
It’s not a lack of willpower. It’s a biological response to not-enoughness — in food, in care, in safety.
✨ a gentle pause
If any of this resonates, take a moment here. Let your body know:
“There’s a reason. And that reason makes sense.”
This isn’t the end of the story. It’s the beginning of understanding.
How do I fix binge eating?
If you’ve ever asked this question: “How do I fix binge eating?”
You are not alone.
But I want to offer you a reframe that might feel surprising, maybe even a little disarming:
You don’t need fixing.
I know how hard that might be to hear when everything in you is desperate for relief —
when binge eating feels chaotic, frightening, shameful, and out of your control.
But the truth is, binge eating is not a personal failure. It is a coping mechanism — one that your body, your brain, and your nervous system have developed to help you survive.
So instead of asking, “How do I fix it?”
The more compassionate question might be:
“What is this trying to protect me from?”
“What need is this trying to meet?”
“Where has nourishment — food, safety, care — felt out of reach?”
The illusion of control
Most people try to “fix” binge eating through more control:
More food rules
More calorie tracking
More rigid meal plans
More guilt after eating
But control is often what got you here in the first place.
Binge eating is often the backlash of deprivation — physical, emotional, or both.
If restriction is the inhale, bingeing is the exhale that had to come.
How to heal
Healing binge eating doesn’t come from punishment. It comes from safety, consistency, and permission.
That might look like:
Eating enough, regularly — even when it feels scary
Naming and soothing shame when it arises
Practicing self-talk that is tender, not tyrannical
Exploring what you're truly hungry for — food, yes, but also rest, connection, release
It’s not a quick fix. It’s a slow return.
But it’s possible. And you don’t have to do it alone.
✨ a soft reminder
You are not bad for needing comfort.
You are not broken for wanting more.
Your body is not your enemy — it’s your ally, longing for safety in the only way it knows how.
Why do I binge eat at night?
For so many people, it’s the same haunting rhythm:
You make it through the day — busy, productive, maybe even “in control.”
But then night falls. The distractions quiet down. You’re alone with yourself.
And the pull toward food becomes overwhelming.
You might be wondering, “Why is this happening at night? Why can’t I stop it?”
Here’s what I want you to know:
Night-time bingeing is not a mystery. It’s a message.
And like all messages from the body, it deserves to be heard — not silenced.
1. You might not be eating enough during the day
This is one of the most common causes of night bingeing — and one of the most overlooked.
Many people unintentionally under-eat during the day:
Skipping breakfast (just coffee)
Eating tiny lunches
“Being good” all day long
Saving calories for later
But the body keeps the score.
And by nightfall, your biology is screaming:
“Feed me. Now.”
This isn’t a lack of willpower — it’s your body doing what it’s designed to do: seek nourishment.
2. Night-time is when unmet needs rise to the surface
During the day, your nervous system is often in task mode — go, go, go.
But when the sun sets, so does your armour.
Suddenly, you can feel the loneliness.
The exhaustion.
The grief you pushed down all day.
And food becomes the most accessible form of relief.
It’s not that you’re weak.
It’s that your nervous system is trying to self-soothe — to bring you down from the edge — in the only way it knows how.
3. Evening may be your only space of autonomy
If your day is filled with:
Caring for others
Suppressing emotions
Performing productivity
Masking your needs
…it makes sense that your body carves out a pocket of time when it can finally claim something for itself.
Bingeing at night can be a form of rebellion, release, or even rescue.
Sometimes the night-time binge is the only moment your body feels free to say: “I exist. I matter. I get something too.”
✨ a soft breath here
If this feels raw, be gentle with yourself.
This isn’t about shame.
It’s about truth — and tenderness.
And the incredible intelligence of your body.
What is binge eating doing to my body?
It’s a question that often comes from fear — and shame.
“Am I ruining my health?”
“Am I damaging my stomach?”
“Will this hurt me forever?”
And before I say anything else, I want you to know this:
Your body is not mad at you.
Your body is not punishing you.
Your body is trying to keep you alive.
The physical effects — and the emotional ones
Yes, binge eating can impact the body in tangible ways:
Digestive distress (bloating, reflux, nausea, pain)
Blood sugar fluctuations
Disrupted sleep
Energy crashes or mood swings
But so often, it’s not the food alone that hurts — it’s the shame that follows.
Shame can linger in the body like smoke after fire.
It disrupts your breath, your digestion, your nervous system.
It makes your world smaller.
And it tells you that you don’t deserve care — just because you needed something.
But you do deserve care. Especially when you’re struggling.
And your body?
She doesn’t need to be punished. She needs to be held.
What your body might be trying to say
Sometimes binge eating is your body’s way of communicating something she can’t say out loud:
“I am empty.”
“I am holding too much.”
“I am exhausted.”
“I am trying to keep going.”
And food — which has always been a primal source of comfort and connection — becomes the way through.
✨ a gentle reframe
What if instead of asking “What is this doing to me?” — you asked, “What is this doing for me?”
What if your bingeing is not a betrayal, but a bridge?
A bridge to safety.
A bridge to your unmet needs.
A bridge to the parts of you that have been hungry for far too long.
This is not your fault.
This is not the end.
This is a call to soften. To listen. To begin again.
How do I control my binge eating?
When you’re caught in the cycle of binge eating, it’s so easy to believe the answer is more discipline.
More rules.
More “starting over” on Monday.
More restriction disguised as recovery.
But here’s the truth — and it might feel radical at first:
Control is not what you need.
You need safety.
Because control doesn’t heal shame.
It deepens it.
What begins to loosen the grip of binge eating isn’t control — it’s care.
So, what does care look like?
1. Nourishment — consistent and enough
Begin with feeding your body regularly.
Even if you don’t feel like you deserve to.
Even if part of you wants to earn it.
Even if your appetite feels unpredictable or overwhelming.
Regular meals are not a luxury. They are a nervous system intervention.
Each time you nourish yourself gently and consistently, you tell your body:
“You’re safe now. You don’t have to go into survival mode anymore.”
2. Curiosity over control
Instead of asking, “Why did I do that again?”
Try asking, “What was I feeling in the lead-up?”
“Was I lonely? Overwhelmed? Underfed? Disconnected?”
This shifts you from shame to understanding — from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What was I needing?”
3. Soothing, not silencing
You might explore:
Gentle grounding before meals
Somatic practices to reconnect with your body after a binge
Naming the part of you that needed the food, and thanking it
This is the beginning of a new kind of relationship.
Not one ruled by punishment — but by partnership.
A final word:
You don’t have to earn rest.
You don’t have to punish yourself into healing.
Binge eating doesn’t mean you’re broken — it means your body has been trying, in every way it knows, to keep you afloat.
And now?
Maybe it’s time to offer that same effort to kindness.
To presence.
To gentle nourishment.
To letting yourself be held — even here.
🌿 If this resonated…
You are so welcome here.
This post is part of a deeper conversation — one I hold gently in my clinic with the women I work alongside every day.
If you’d like to explore what healing might look like for you, I’d be honoured to walk beside you.
🕊️ Explore my services here
📬Or sign up to receive gentle letters from me via my newsletter, Notes from the Hearth.
You are already on your way home.
And your body… has never left your side.